What's Troubling You?

My husband has Alzheimer’s Disease.  He has been cursed with this terrible disease for many years.  I started noticing changes in him almost 11 years ago, but I’m certain he hid it from me much longer than that.   

He has lived in the Veteran’s Home Memory Unit for a year now.  I cared for him at home for as long as I could.  Then, sadly,  it became too much for me.  

The first several months I visited him every single day.  Lately it’s been every other day, at which I sometimes feel guilty.  I want to cherish our time together, but family and friends are important, too.

Bob no longer understands my questions: 

“What is your name?”

 “What is my name?” 

He can no longer feed himself.  Every now and then he uses his fork to take a couple of bites.  But usually, he just stares at his food until the CNAs or I feed him.

He can’t dress himself.  He can’t finish a sentence.  He can’t brush his teeth, comb his hair, or shave.  

He can still walk without falling.  He can give hugs - really big hugs… and he can smile for a picture.  He also can sing along to Happy Birthday, which our children and grandchildren cherish.

When I am with him I say over and over, “I love you, Bob.  I love you, Sweetheart.  I love you, Darling.”   For the past couple of weeks, he doesn’t repeat these words.  This is difficult, very very difficult for me.

I know I’m not the only one in the world with difficulties.  

What is troubling you today, this week, this month, this year?

This week:

I delighted in watching grandchildren play, the fragrance of late summer roses and lavender, and gazing at the stars in my patio hammock.  I delighted in my date with Bob - holding hands on a Millcreek Canyon boardwalk next to a stream.  I delighted in interacting with other residents in the VA, especially the ones who don't get visitors.

I feasted on peaches, raspberries, almonds, pecans, cucumbers, beans and, of course, two daily pieces of dark chocolate.

I worked on my granddaughter’s very pink birthday quilt.  I stayed up until 1 A.M almost every night reading My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass, The Longevity Plan by Dr. John Day, scriptures, and 6 other books.  I realized I was reading or listening to 9 different books at a time, which is ridiculous 

I texted, talked with, and hung out with family and friends.   I spent time alone.  I'm an introvert.  

I spent time on my knees.  

What is making you happy today?