Sorry and Grateful

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. 

I feel sorry for myself when:

I watch couples sharing in stimulating conversation.

I see twosomes off on an exciting adventure.

I very seldom have time alone.

I have to spend time searching for hidden things.

I have to get up in the middle of the night.

I think this is normal - feeling sorry. Sometimes it is difficult not to dwell on the negative aspects of having a loved one suffering with Alzheimer’s Disease. 

But what an extremely ungrateful person I would be if I thought about these negative feelings more than sometimes.  I still have so much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful:

Bob still asks me if I will marry him.

We have loving and caring family and friends who are always thinking, praying for and serving us.

Our past travels have taken us to magical places.

In days gone by, we have worked, played, laughed, cried, shared thoughts and feelings.

We can still hike, enjoy walks, hold hands, go to church, movies, plays, symphonies, family gatherings.  This won’t last forever, but when it ends, my memories will still be there.

He can walk, talk, pray, shave, feed himself, and shower.  When he no longer can, I hope I will still be thankful.

He still knows who I am.  When he can’t remember, I’ll still be thankful.  I’ll be thankful because I know he loves me, and he loves his family.  He has told us many times, verbally and in writing.    We will always love him.  No matter what this disease puts us through.

Burglars

“You haven’t blogged for awhile,” my sister said a couple of days ago.

“I know,” I replied.

  It is difficult for me to walk the fine line of showing respect and loyalty to the man I love so dearly, and sharing helpful information with others of what it is like living with a person with Alzheimer’s.

A few months ago I mentioned I would write about communication.   Here are a few thoughts, with others to be added in the future:

A typical behavior (confirmed by my support group) of one suffering with Alzheimer’s Disease is that they constantly feel like burglars are coming in and stealing their stuff.  Every day you could explain to them that they are forgetting where they put things, and that’s why they can’t find them.  Wrong choice!  This explanation makes no sense to them.  It even makes them angry that you would even consider this as a possibility. 

  

Instead, you jump, with two feet, into their world and to their way of thinking.   I first ask what is missing.  Sometimes my husband can tell me; sometimes he can’t.  When he can’t, I start naming the treasures he carries around in his pockets.  When we figure out the missing objects, I start looking for them.  It would be useless to ask  where he had them last or when he last saw them.  He can’t remember.    After we discover what is missing, I madly go through the house looking for them.

On a good day, it takes a minute or two because I’ve found them there before.  On an occastional bad day, it may take over an hour because they’re in a new hiding place.   So frustrating, but not his fault.    It’s the brain thief.  My husband is always happy when I find his things.   But the next day, we start all over.  The “goof balls” have come in and taken his stuff again.

On bad days, and even good days, we reward ourselves with healthy Banana- Chocolate Ice Cream.  Our son-in-law, a connoisseur of fine ice cream, doesn’t think it is proper calling this ice cream!  But we like it, and it satisfies our craving for sweets.

Banana Chocolate Ice Cream

(2 servings)

2 frozen bananas (Cut them in half before freezing)

2 heaping Tablespoons cocoa powder

½ cup vanilla almond milk

Place in blender until smooth and creamy.  (A heavy duty blender with a strong motor is best.)  You may need to stop the blender and stir things around a few times.

We always top it with a few sliced almonds, and chopped pecans or cashews.